How to Be Kinder to Yourself in an Age of Constant Chaos

A few years ago, I was walking in circles through my neighbourhood at 4 a.m., desperately trying to out-Google my own brain.

It was early 2021. We were deep into pandemic lockdowns. My parents were going through a divorce. Venture for Canada was navigating existential uncertainty. And I was spiralling, consumed by obsessive health fears, refreshing the same search terms over and over, chasing the impossible promise of certainty.

Around that time, I took this photo with my new kitten, Luna, tucked into the collar of my sweater. I’m smiling. But I wasn’t feeling smiley. What you don’t see is the crushing OCD, the panic attacks, the insomnia, or the shame. Luna didn’t fix everything, but she helped. Her soft presence reminded me to care for something outside myself. And in many ways, that was the first small act of self-compassion I was capable of.

What I didn’t know at the time—but would come to understand through therapy—is that I wasn’t just dealing with anxiety. I was dealing with obsessive-compulsive disorder. And more importantly, I was fueling the fire with how I was treating myself.

I kept thinking: “You should be stronger than this.” “What’s wrong with you?” “Just figure it out.”

That inner voice wasn’t helping. It was hurting. And what ultimately started to turn the tide wasn’t another productivity hack or mental health app—it was learning how to be kinder to myself.

The Case for Self-Compassion (Especially Now)

We live in an age of relentless uncertainty. Career paths are nonlinear. AI is rewriting job descriptions in real time. Our feeds are flooded with highlight reels. And our brains are constantly scanning for danger. If it feels like you’re always bracing for the next crisis, you’re not imagining it.

From 1990 to 2021, the global incidence of anxiety disorders among those aged 10–24 increased by over 50%. While the causes are complex, one thing is clear: we’re not just overwhelmed by what’s happening out there—we’re overwhelmed by how we talk to ourselves in here.

And here’s the hard truth: most of us were raised to believe that being hard on yourself is how you get ahead. That self-compassion is indulgent. That if you ease up, you’ll lose your edge.

But here’s what I’ve learned the hard way: In a world that constantly shifts beneath your feet, self-compassion is the edge.

What Self-Compassion Actually Is

Psychologist Kristin Neff defines self-compassion as having three components:

• Self-kindness – speaking to yourself with warmth, not judgment

• Common humanity – realizing that struggle is part of being human

• Mindfulness – noticing your thoughts without letting them define you

  
  

Self-compassion isn’t self-pity. It’s not letting yourself off the hook. It’s treating yourself like someone worth rooting for—even when things fall apart.

Why It’s a Career Advantage

Here’s what nobody tells you when you’re starting out: your ability to learn, adapt, and grow depends less on how smart you are and more on how you respond to failure.

If your default mode is self-criticism, then every setback becomes a crisis of identity. But if you can meet those moments with self-compassion, you can turn mistakes into momentum.

Before you can be adaptable or antifragile or take entrepreneurial risks, you need to know you won’t emotionally self-destruct when things go sideways.

That’s why, in The Uncertainty Advantage, I put self-compassion as the first of six pillars for navigating chaos. Because it’s the foundation for everything else.

Three Ways to Practice Self-Compassion

This isn’t about spa days or positive affirmations. It’s about building mental habits that actually help you navigate difficult situations. Here’s what’s worked for me:

1. Catch Your Inner Critic: You bomb a job interview. Your brain says, “You’re a failure.” Catch that thought, and flip it: “That was rough, but you’ll learn from it.” Talk to yourself like you would to a close friend.

2. Use the RULER Method: Recognize, Understand, Label, Express, and Regulate your emotions. Originally developed at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, RULER helps you name what you’re feeling so you can deal with it productively. If you’re snapping at your team, take a beat and ask: “What am I actually feeling right now?” Clarity is the first step to compassion.

3. Build a Hype Document: Keep a running file of moments you’re proud of—emails from mentors, wins you’ve earned, even kind DMs. On the hard days, revisit it. You need reminders of who you are when your inner critic gets loud.

The Kindest Thing You Can Do for Yourself

The uncertainty isn’t going away. But your response to it can change.

I didn’t improve my OCD symptoms overnight. But by learning to treat myself with kindness instead of contempt, I gave myself the space to breathe. To reflect. To try again.

The world didn’t calm down. But I did. And that made all the difference.

Try this: The next time you mess up, pause and say: “That was hard. And I’m allowed to be kind to myself anyway.” Then keep going.

Because the future doesn’t belong to the people who never fall down. It belongs to the ones who know how to get back up, without beating themselves up first.

If you enjoyed this, you might like my newsletter, Scott’s Monthly Musings. It’s a curated selection of thought-provoking ideas, tools, and resources I’ve been exploring lately, especially around AI and the future of work. You can subscribe here.